I went to therapy the other day and got an exercise to work on. It was simply to write down what I wanted for my birthday.
It seemed like such an easy thing to fill out. But as I put my pen to the paper I paused. I realized I wasn't being asked for a list of items. Why would me wanting a new iPod matter? If I got new shoes, would that make me feel better?
When it comes down to what I really want, none of it is anything that can be bought or even given as a gift. How do you wrap self confidence? How do you put a bow on mental stability?
What would you even write on the card?
I realize that the exercise is to make me focus on myself. I kind of hate that part. I'm good at taking care of others, of trying to make sure everyone else has what they need. I'll get to me another time.
That's where the problem is. I don't/can't focus on me. It's hard to think of what I want when I can't even think.
As I go down this new road of taking care of myself, I hope to figure out what it is that I want. Till then the boxes, bows, and ribbons will have to wait
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